


Screen C.A.P.S. 2: Untitled Descent into Madness; Limited Edition; PSA special!

by justinsbuzz



Series: Screen C.A.P.S., with Connie, Amethyst, Peridot, and Steven! [3]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, when will steven catch a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 11:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21814171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justinsbuzz/pseuds/justinsbuzz
Summary: Sunstone: Hey there, fellow readers. i'm here to talk about Spoilers. there's alot of that here...like...alot...so...yeah. Spoilers. Don't do school and stay in drugs?Pearl: Amethyst!Amethyst: What? Connie and i just took some creative liberties.Sunstone: Just...there will be spoilers. and strong language.
Relationships: Aquamarine/Eyeball (Steven Universe), Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Series: Screen C.A.P.S., with Connie, Amethyst, Peridot, and Steven! [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1481819
Kudos: 11





	Screen C.A.P.S. 2: Untitled Descent into Madness; Limited Edition; PSA special!

**Author's Note:**

> Again. so much spoilers. but...this week was a bit easier to write. like...4 episodes was a really large bite to take. this one was more manageable. might make this a weekly thing, since classes are coming to an end (For the record, the research paper will be soooo verbose. Crackfic>half-assed research paper.)

Screen C.A.P.S. 3: Untitled Descent into Madness; Limited Edition; PSA special!

The TV screen flashed off, showing the reflection of the viewers. From left to right, Connie sat, fidgeting around inside of a burlap sack, and mumbling about not being in the episodes. Pearl sat on the couch with Steven, clutching him close and shaking, all the while, Steven was holding one of her hands, and trying to comfort her. Garnet sat right next to Steven, with an Amethyst laying on top of her head, slowly shaking her head left and right. Amethyst seemed to have passed out from all of the laughing. Peridot, who had not been seen last time, sat there, looking perplexed and confused.

“So…wait…what just happened?” Garnet asked while shaking her head.

“It…It’s the show. The new show. ‘Steven Universe Future’.” Steven said, hugging Pearl tightly.

“But…why the hell was I so dumb? Straight up telling gems all they way’s they’ll die? Turning on motion smoothing? Did…did I get hit with the rejuvenator wand all over again?” Garnet said, taking off her glasses and showing her eyes, filled with concern. “But more importantly, Steven, are YOU ok?”

Steven was mildly stunned. After seeing how cannon Garnet acted, his Garnet, showing general concern for Steven’s well-being was something he had hoped to get for a while.

“I’m…I’m ok. I have friends, family, loved one’s… how long is Connie going to be in that bag?” Steven asked, looking worried at Connie’s state of being.

“Well…according to my mom, about 1 week for every 100 views that damn dubstep thing gets.” Connie said, sounding really grumpy.

“For the record though, I smell a platinum record for this!” Amethyst said, turning on her music player and began playing the song ‘I want you, Steven: dub mix’, in which Connie could be heard saying those words over and over again in different pitches, speeds, tones, and patterns. “At this rate Connie, you’ll probably have to live in there until the sun burns out.”

“I just said it once…and no one let me finish what I was going to say!” Connie growled, shifting around more and more in the burlap sack. “I just wanted Steven to be more involved in my life! And in no way did I mean that in a lewd way!”

“Yeah…nah. No, I know how you think, Connie. Just like my fanfic, you want that hot buttery biscuit on rug by the fireplace to spread yo-” Peridot began to speak before leaping over Pearl, Steven and Garnet to pounce on Peridot to stop her from saying anything more.

“Peridot, I swear on the gems of the fallen that if you mention anything from your Connverse erotica fanfic I’ll do to you what I did to THOSE goobers over there!” Connie said, attempting to point towards a pair of bubbled gems. “Yeah, that’s right, I put you both in the ground, while being inside this thing! You’re nothing but weak sauces! A wet roll of toilet would put up a better fight than you idiots!”

The two gems, one being blue and having a gem under her left eye, and another one having a gem on the same side where her eye would be, thrashed around in their respective bubbles.

“Kick and scream all you want, cause when we’re done with you two, you’re going to be ornamental paper weights, entombed in clear resin, forever to life out your existence as a unitasker, the most useless thing in the universe!” Connie howled at Aquamarine and Eyeball as they threw temper tantrums in the bubbles.

“Connie…” Steven spoke softly, his eyes doing most of the talking.

“But…but…C’mon!” Connie whined. “I haven’t gotten any decent gifts for my parents. Maybe some nice paper weights might ease the punishment so we could get married before we’re 90. And it’s not like they don’t have it coming.”

“Connie.” Steven spoke again, his eyes looking deep into Connie’s. This broke her.

“GAH! Fine! Send them to the Diamonds.” Connie huffed, rolling off of Peridot and hopping towards Steven, and sat on the ground. “But if I ever see them again…”

“Then you can do what you wish. But I highly doubt they’ll let them get off that easily.” Steven said, looking apathetically at the gems, but then looking back at Connie with a question on his mind. “Wait, you were able to take them down, while being in a sack, and you…bubbled them?”

“Well yeah. maybe not the bubbling part, but the rest of it was all me. Garnet bubbled them, and everyone else bubbled those bubbles, making sure there would be no way of them escaping.” Connie said proudly.

“Yeah man. I should have recorded it. She was like a sack of Potatoes-” Amethyst began, but was cut off.

“Coffee, Amethyst. I was like a sack of coffee beans. Deep, aromatic, espresso roast coffee beans.” Connie corrected Amethyst.

“Riiiiiiight. Connie was like a sack of powerful coffee that knew kung fu!” Amethyst exclaimed.

“I taught…her…all I…knew…Steven?” Pearl spoke, sounding terrified.

“Yeah, Pearl?” Steven replied.

“Keep…keep that little bastard away from me!” Pearl screeched fearfully. “And always know that I’m so proud of you! You were a sweet child, and you’re an awesome young man with a big heart.”

“Aww. Thanks Pearl. And I’ll make sure Onion stays away.” Steven reassured Pearl.

“No…I mean it. You were a sweet kid, and a kind person, and I would never put all that stuff on you. You’re not your mom, and you don’t need to do everything.” Pearl whined.

“I…I know that. And you’ve all been really supportive and understanding.” Steven said, trying to reassure everyone.

“I mean…you were so tired, and frustrated, and none of us believed you that Bluebird was evil. We should have ended her right then and there!” Pearl spoke, sounding frustrated.

“Pearl…that’s a show. It never happened here in real life.” Steven said, trying to bury his existential crisis as far down as it can go. “I know you know I’m not mom, and that you’re proud of me. and I’m proud of you for knowing that. And Garnet…Garnet?”

“I could have seen it all happen before things got worse…before things…Greg’s hair…” Garnet trailed off, looking at the wall behind the TV.

“Nah, guys! I still have my hair.” Greg said, combing his long mane, but this time he would be taking his time and truly appreciating the thing he saw he lost on the show. “I know you guys wouldn’t let anything bad happen. But not going to lie, seeing my hair that short…I looked like my dad.”

Greg froze from brushing his hair, bearing a frozen look on his face as to the realization that he really did look like his dad, but he wondered if he acted like him as well.

“Steven.” Greg said curtly. “I want you to know that you can do whatever you set your mind to, and I’ll always be as supportive as much as my hair is long. Whatever you want to do or be, I’ll always be there to support that, and not cut you out of any wills and disown you like some assholes.”

Steven was taken aback from his dad’s statement. He never heard him swear before. This might have touched on a very sensitive nerve.

“I know dad, and thank you.” Steven said, smiling at his dad, and trying to reassure him that everything is ok.

“Maybe…we should get back to the fact that apparently, I have selective future vision, since I never saw Greg be attacked. Yet I had the powers to not only see how those gems would be shattered, but also tell them how they would without the foresight of knowing that it would traumatize them…” Garnet said sternly. She glowered at the screen, looking more furious than ever. Even more than the time of the mirror incident. Steven needed to reel her back.

“It’s ok, Garnet. It’s still a show.” Steven said, sounding nervous while holding her hand. “I know you better. And you know I wouldn’t make two different plans at once. Or even then, I would have brought Onion to the safety seminar in the first place. It would have worked.”

“But…all of those bad advice…the things I said.” Garner said, gripping Steven’s hand hard.

“The things SHE said. That wasn’t you. You’re better than that. So much better.” Steven said, now really thinking about how badly they messed with her character. “Like…wow…Connie, I know you weren’t in this episode at all, but would you be furious if we say that Garnet lost big-time in the recent episode?”

Connie looked over at Garnet, who looked distraught. Connie felt annoyed that she was benched again for another weekend.

“Get me out of this burlap sack, and you got a deal.” Connie said, looking up into Garnet’s eyes, who then looked down at her. Garnet went from looking intensely worried, to looking slightly relieved.

“OK. Punishment changed to time served. No cuddling unless under supervision.” Garnet said, giving a nod to Connie.

“I’ll…I’ll get the scissors. As soon as I can learn to walk again…” Pearl said, trying to get up from the couch, while clinging to Steven. this was all for naught, since Connie leapt into the air and shredded the burlap sack into a hundred pieces. Landing back on the ground, but only for a moment, she jumped again and landed in Steven’s lap. Steven began to feel claustrophobic. He was also confused as to how Connie didn’t smell bad at all, despite being stuck in a bag all week.

“I missed this so much!” Connie squealed as she kissed Steven’s cheek. Garnet suddenly cleared her throat. “Oh…sorry…just excited to be out of that bag…and maybe just rest my head on Steven’s shoulder?”

“Yeah…that should be ok.” Garnet said, throwing her shades back on again. Connie and Steven repositioned themselves on the large couch in the living room so Connie could be sitting between Garnet and Steven. Amethyst stayed firmly on top of Garnet as she listened to the music, she was playing in her ear buds. Peridot, on the other hand, stayed on the ground, and stared into the screen.

“OK…just want to clear this out of the way and just say what we are all thinking. WHY DID NO ONE GO AFTER AQUA AND EYEBALL!?” Peridot exclaimed, looking furiously at the group. “Kind of a insight on the Diamond Authority’s hedgemic hierarchy and placement: Rubies are the same as Jaspers, but what they lack in size, they make up for in brutal strength, and fierce dedication to get the job done. Albeit, they’re not the sharpest cuts in the kindergarten, but just because they’re dangerous idiots, doesn’t make them any less dangerous!”

All eyes fell on Garnet, who was, after all, half a Ruby.

“I’m not going to lie, she’s on point. I just happen to be the nicer and more intelligent Ruby…which is why I fell in love with her.” Garnet said with a smile, and everyone getting the hint that Ruby and Sapphire within her were talking about each other. Well…all but Peridot.

“Yeah…ok. But Aquamarines. Oh boy, are they psychopaths!” Peridot exclaimed loudly. “Seriously, they may look nice, elegant, and innocent. But that’s usually the one mistake that can get anyone killed by those monsters! Fiercer than a Ruby, more agile than a Lapis, and more dangerous and brutal than 100 Jasper Quartz solders. It’s even said that they can never be corrupted, since they’re already corrupted in the first place. AND YOU LET THEM GO!”

“Correction: They let them go.” Steven said calmly, while looking at the Aquamarine and Eyeball, still trying to claw their way out of their bubbles. “You see, in that show, it seems like they’re pushing cannon Steven to the brink of insanity.” 

“Where as we, in this universe, pummeled their assess into the ground the moment they thought they could play us as chumps!” Connie said, wrapping an arm around Steven while smiling brightly. “And Steven didn’t need to do a thing. It was during his meditation time. The fight was so quick, Steven didn’t even notice that the fight took place outside the house.”

“Wait. Is that why there are all of those craters outside the house. And why one of the temple hands is missing a middle finger?” Steven asked anyone willing to answer.

“Yeah…Amethyst wanted to give bluebird the finger…and she did. Sorry Steven, had a little help. Please don’t dump me…” Connie said, sounding guilty as to the lie she told.

“It’s ok, Connie. As long as you were safe, and since you did defeat them, it’s ok to ask for help.” Steven said, kissing the lower part of Connie’s cheek. “I mean…it’s not a bad thing to ask for help.”

“You’re right Steven! Asking for help shows that you’re a strong enough person to know when they need help and not wait at the last minute.” Connie said, slowly turning her head towards the T.V. screen, and looking deep within as though she was looking at someone.

“It’s also important to know that when you sense a friend is in danger, you should listen to their concerns, and always take the threats seriously because that’s what friends do.” Amethyst said, also looking into the screen.

“And sometimes, you can say no to some plans that you had made, or combine two plans into one. People can be reasonable and understand if something very important has come up. Especially when you need to cancel plans for a seminar that can wait another day so someone doesn’t get stuck with a demonically possessed little monster all by themselves.” Pearl said, looking into the screen as well.

“Plus, sometimes it’s best to learn from your past mistakes, like not dropping the ball on gems about how they will die, or maybe not teach them how to get hit by cars. More importantly, sometimes, it’s best you use your brain, be rational and use your future vision to prevent a great tragedy from happening in front of millions of viewers as a middle-aged man clutches to the vestiges of his free and beautiful youth.” Garnet added in, taking of her shades, and glaring fiercely into the television screen.

“But, more importantly, sometimes, you need to take a break, relax, and open up to people who care about you. Take a break from studying for things you don’t need to worry about right now. Appreciate the artwork that your friends make. And more importantly, stop pushing 16-year-old magical gem teens to use powers that could be very self-destructive, and just let them have a single fucking episode where they just relax, have fun, be themselves, and seriously, Sugar, you’re killing me here. Please leave me alone. Please? For the fans?” Steven said, following suit and glaring deep into the screen. He knew who he was talking to.

“OK, guys, did you all end up eating those brownies hippy rose sent over? Cause you’re talking to an inanimate object.” Peridot stated. “You know what, while all these goobers stair at the powerless television, I’m just going to speak for everyone here when I say that ‘Bluebird’ get’s a 1 out of 10. Greg’s hair didn’t harm anyone but the shower drain, and the bluebird bitches just flew away, despite the fact that Obsidian could EAT them.”

“True…” Steven said, snapping out of it and acknowledging Peridot.

“And ‘the very special episode’ felt like a throwback to ‘say un-” Peridot was cut off.

“THE EPISODE MUST NOT BE NAMED!” shouted the entire town of Beach City and Little Homeworld in unison.

“Um…yeah. An attempt at crack fic humor. But the more I think about it, and the more it seems like a gag, non-cannon episode, the more sensible it seems…6/10?” Peridot asked everyone. The consensus agreed that despite it being a ridiculous episode, it was probably a farce episode, not meant to be taken seriously.

“That…was a really insightful take on an episode, Peridot!” Steven said, sounding surprised.

“Why thank you!” Peridot beamed. “I could have been here last week…but…the Jasper thing, and all…”

“Yeah. I understand.” Steven said.

“So…anyone got any leads on the next episodes?” Connie asked the group.

“Eh…something about ‘The Crystal Gems’ getting snowed in, so we have to spend time together catching up. Sounds like either an easy episode, or something so shocking that no one can look away from it.” Amethyst said, looking up episode information.

“Isn’t that like all the episodes we’ve been seeing?” Steven asked, sounding worried.

“More importantly…am I a crystal gem?” Connie asked, sounding just as concerned.

“You are as far as I know.” Garnet said, smiling.

“Good, cause even though Steven has a jacket, he needs more thermal protection. Preferably something…Connie sized.” Connie stated, trying to sound as much of a professional knight as possible.

“Also…yeesh…if the intro to the show is to be believed, you got a pair of lapis’ going around and destroying planets. And you’re going to need…Lapis’ help.” Amethyst said, sounding reluctant. “Also…is my art really that bad? I mean, I’m more of an abstract, or pointillism kind of artist, but is it? Peri?”

Peridot could not truly respond, since she could only squeal at a pitch only dogs could hear.

“Well…I broke Peridot.” Amethyst said, shrugging. “Call it a night?”

“Yeah…I’m pretty tired.” Steven said, looking around, and truly noticing the real difference things are between worlds. “Yeah…I’m calling it.”

“But…out of curiosity.” Pearl spoke while getting up from the couch. “Why is the Dandai filled with gas canisters?”

“We’re kind of debating on maybe going on a road trip.” Steven said, getting up, while carrying Connie, who still seemed adamant on hanging on to Steven. “Just…maybe going west…”

“Just need to deliver a message…to some people…” Connie said, looking away and trying to sound innocent.”

“I cannot believe I have to say this, but despite what SOME have said.” She stated looking at Amethyst. “Arson is bad, and just a strongly worded letter would suffice, Connie.”

“Who said I was the one that wanted to go to L.A. or Kansas?” Connie asked, looking hurt.

“You did. Just now. I never stated where you’re going.” Pearl said “At least wait another week at least. You might pop up in the next couple of episodes.”

“Plus, you’re going to need to give Peridot to repair the Dandai.” Garnet said, as Amethyst rolled off of her head and landed on the ground.

“There’s nothing wrong with the Dandai though.” Steven said.

“Well…for one, you loaded it with explosive liquid.” Garnet replied and continued. “Two, you didn’t roll down the windows.”

“Well…it was suppose to be windy tonight.” Steven said, trying to sound reasonable.

“Which leads to three: Wind plus sand blowing around equals…” Garnet finished a split second before a loud explosion was heard and seen from the windows. The Dandai had exploded, with flames from the gas canisters spewing flames all over the beach. “Static electricity.”

“Hrmmm… I need to get out there and use the sand to douse the fire before Lapis tries to take the ocean and make the fires worse.” Pearl said, stomping out the door.

“Well, at least this gives me a chance to make the Dandai fully electric.” Peridot grinned and rubbing her hands together.

“Also…you’re both grounded. One week.” Garnet said, sounding authoritative.

“I’ll go grab the shovels then.” Amethyst said, walking out the door.

“That’s still not how grounding works.” Steven said, still holding a grumpy Connie who was disappointed in the setback.

“It’s for the fire, ya dip!” Amethyst scoffed.

**Author's Note:**

> *in a deep voice*  
Next time, on 'Screen C.A.P.S.': The crystal gems are snowed in. with only enough power to power a Laptop, and a dying fireplace, will Connie get her chance to shine, or will her anger be enough to heat the house for the night? Will Lapis be of any help, or will she be her old apathetic self and make ice carvings of really inappropriate things? And will the author of these stories make it out of the class alive, or will he be another victim of an incompetent professor who's rambling and canceled classes have caused everyone to fall behind...seriously...what the hell?


End file.
